Workshop One: Review

Inverted Pyramid, Louvre Carrousel, Paris

Summary of Workshop One: Memos


Our first session focused on common communication problems in workplace writing. We identified some of the typical problems encountered in reading memos and similar texts, including:

Excessive Length
Poor structure and organisation
Repetition
Elaborate language and jargon
Unclear purpose
Too many irrelevant details
Overloaded paragraphs
Information presented as a list
Cold or unfriendly tone
Not enough background context
Too much background context

During the course we will be looking at how we can improve our writing in order to avoid these communication problems. The course is about how everyday writing can be made more:

clear
concise
organised
reader-friendly
flexible

The emphasis of the course is on writing situations. Whenever we write, however long the text, we need to consider four main factors in the communication:

Content: what is to be communicated?
Purpose: what is the communication for?
Audience: who is the communication aimed at?
Outcome: what should happen as a result of the communication?

When you are writing a new text or you have a lot of information to communicate, it is worth spending a few minutes on these questions about the writing situation.

Writing Memos: Mr Chatty, Mr Blunt and Mr Messy

In the workshop we compared three administration memos written in response to the same brief. The three memos all take a different approach. Here is my evaluation of the three memos:

John 1 takes an informal and casual approach to the task set by Anne. He uses nearly all the information from Anne's email, even lifting whole phrases from it, but he does not edit the language for the audience or the situation.

The 'big news' (the date) does not appear until the end of his long memo. He uses bold and underlining to draw attention to the date - techniques discouraged in the body of memos, at least in UN writing. The end of his memo has a weak action statement ('When you get time...') which is hardly designed to motivate the reader. The references to people's first names ('Ingrid', 'Jackie') and the memo's opening phrase ('As most of you are aware...') are too chatty and could exclude colleagues.

John 1 has not realised that his audience is 'all staff in HR', not just a small group known to him. However, he does do what Anne asked regarding the background of the form's introduction and he does give a good summary of the changes in paragraph 2.

John 2 takes a more concise and straightforward approach. The memo gets straight to the point and the 'big news' is given in the first paragraph. His memo is shorter than John 1's and has numbered paragraphs. He also indicates at the start who the memo is from and the attachment.

The purpose of the memo and the action statement (paragraph 3) are both clear. John 2's subject line is also better then John 1's and he makes some attempt to thank the reader at the end. However, John 2 has omitted some of the information requested by Anne. His language is really too concise, even blunt.

He also uses some rather over-formal language ('henceforth', 'It will be noted..') and at one point a piece of jargon ('modern-day personnel acquisition practice') which could easily have been put in simpler English ('modern-day recruitment'). The date is written correctly according to UN practice: 1 December 2001.

John 3 has included most of the information requested by Anne, but has made little attempt to edit and organise it. There are too many paragraphs and the memo reads like a list. A number of points (eg. 4 and 5) could be combined.

The shape of the memo is uneven, with paragraph 6 much longer than all the others. The subject line includes an unnecessary abbreviation. The memo ends in an abrupt way which is not motivating for readers. John 3, unlike the other two writers, does give feedback details (paragraph 6) but in the wrong place. The 'Regards..' at the end is not needed in a formal memo.

Effective Memo Writing

We looked at an example of a more effective memo to illustrate some of the features of good memo writing. See the handout and the course book pages 8-11 for details.

Although every writing situation is different, most effective memos will include some or all of the following features:

* a clear and concise subject line
* the key information or 'big news' in the first paragraph
* key words, especially words used in the subject line, in the first paragraph
* numbered or at least clearly separated paragraphs
* short paragraphs of between 2-5 sentences in length
* a clear and brief indication of the background or context ('archive statement')
* a clear indication of the purpose of the memo
* supporting paragraphs which are relevant to the topic and not overloaded with too much information or bullet points
* requests for action made clearly but politely
* feedback details (if relevant)
* a positive or forward-looking tone at the end
* sender/receiver/attachment details

Think Pyramid

When planning a memo it is useful to use the inverted pyramid structure as shown in the course book on page 10. This can help you to organise your thoughts and identify the priority information before you start writing sentences. It also helps you to develop a paragraph structure.

When writing an important new text it is often not a good idea to start with the first sentence or the subject line. Instead, plan the keywords of the text using a visual plan. More of this in workshop two.

Pages 57-62 in the course book give some useful phrases for opening and closing memos and for making requests.

The second workshop will focus on planning and organising information in memos, how to make requests, and how to combine pieces of information.